☺The Smiler

First, let me thank those that read my last post.  I can not begin to tell you what a relief that was to be writing about bipolar again.  I had a previous blog about it, but took a respite, only to start anew.  I still didn’t want to talk about until I finally bit the bullet.  It felt good, to let it be a part of me again.  I’m excited again about blogging.  So thank you again. ☺

I can only give my version of what being bipolar is like for me.  I’m a far cry from a doctor of any kind.  Hell, I struggle to follow my own.  For now things are working and on the overall scale they are coming together quite well.  Which isn’t to say I don’t have any troubles…side effects from meds, damage to body for being on meds for so long, moodiness that can go through the roof and back to being flattened on the floor.  It’s tough.  This disorder can be unpredicatable and yet right on target.  I have fought as much as I have given up on being “normal” or “well.”

The other day I had what I’d call “A Happy Balanced Day.”  Not a moment or whisper of time, but an entire day of being happy.  I’d almost forgot these kinds of days existed as they are so sparse.  Everything, my mood, my body and my mind all felt like they were all lined up with each other and were centered (key word).  My entire being couldn’t stop smiling and enjoying the love and fun that was around me. ☺ It was beautiful.  It was my true self shining through and I was loving it!

It barely lasted when I awoke into the next morning.  I could feel it slipping while I tried so hard to hang onto it.  I was back in disorder land. Try as I might I gave up fighting for it and let it slide away.

But I still feel that smile that was geniune and very much me.

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One day the smiler will be out all the time!  ☺

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