Life Jam

Having a tough day today.  I keep having to make the decision to not be a depressed victim.  I’m running out of energy doing that.  It worked great a couple of times today, but I find myself winding down again and I just don’t have it in me to pick myself back up.

Had a bit of a tradegy this past weekend, a car hit hubby’s vehicle and totaled it.  Hubby is fine, but losing the van was a shock to the system and I’m still not feeling alright with it.  Luckily we have another vehicle, a old beat up truck.  It looks like its falling apart, and it is, but runs like a champ.  Just in a matter of seconds everything changed.

There are a few other matters involving the accident that have been frustrating to add to the confusion.

There is a large part of me that is OK with everything that happened.  No one was hurt and we still have the truck.  Everything with the details was done in a timely matter and turned out in our favor.  And yet I can’t quite put my finger on what is bothering me.

Is it just a life altering change that has brought me down because that is my go-to response?  I’ve been feeling pretty good lately as far as my bipolar goes, so did my brain turn off the switch when I heard about the accident?  Is it like the rug was pulled from under me?  Something that happened that I didn’t expect?

Now I’ve got these constant up and downs all day long.  Is it just life handing me that silver platter?  And what is God thinking about all of this?  Answers I wish I had that will come with time that I am quite impatient with.

Can’t just be me…hubby is going through the same thing.  We are both bummed.

Thanks for letting me vent!


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