In My Dreams

I had a dream about the date rapist.  It was very vivid and intense.  I was trying to be friends with him.  I am always trying to be friends with him in my dreams.  Seeing how he drugged and raped me, all the while being my friend of the sly, I am still in some ways coming to grips with the fact that I thought he cared about me as a friend. I didn’t remember the rape until a couple of years ago.

He twisted me in ways I would never fathom possible and even after all these years I am still mentally/emotionally screwed up over what he did.

I know my medications also enhance my dreams.  They are bizarre and they are like living in sci-fi movie.  They are so intense that when I get out of bed, I feel like I’m drugged and can’t turn off the movie.  My head and eyes are heavy.  I’m unable to stay awake which intensifies the movie and the theatrics of it.  It wrecks havoc on my mind and even when it finally stops it takes a while for my emotional state to recover.  It is like having a flashback while you sleep and are awake.  The aftereffects of PTSD.

It is a horrible feeling and it is hard to say “it was just a dream,” when it is so lifelike and haunting.  But thankfully they are getting fewer and farther between.  Sometimes healing isn’t as pretty as it looks.

Have you ever experienced flashbacks in your dreams?


6 thoughts on “In My Dreams

  1. I do, but they are all a little different than what actually happened… and of course they are just as horrible as they were in real life. I know there are medications you can take that don’t enhance dreams as much. I had a med change recently and 3/4 of the time I wake up without remembering a single dream. It’s bliss. I am sorry about your dreams… I hope they stop, or you find some solution to the issue. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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