For once I don’t feel so stupid!

It is amazing how healing writing can be by getting all that crap out of your head and on paper.  Since writing my last two post I’ve been able to at least calm my tongue with hubby and have started thinking through more of what I say and how I say it.  I am working on being understanding with him as well.  My bipolar disorder/PTSD has wrecked havoc on him and has hurt him badly.  And if I have a hard time trusting my brain, I can’t imagine what he must be feeling.

I almost deleted my last post after it had been up for a couple of weeks (Still painful, but here it goes….  In fact I did delete it for about 10 seconds.  To me there was something so wrong with it, it felt vulgar and ugly.  Then I read it again and realized it really made sense, so I put it back up.  It is amazing how time really does heal and we show growth every day, even when we don’t feel like we have.  I need these tiny stepping stones to keep me moving and blogging about them makes those changes so that I can easily digest them while keeping me forward.

My biggest character defect is being critical.  I’m still really struggling with criticizing most of the things my husband says.  I’m learning to bite my tongue and think before I say, but sometimes it will still slip out.  As one for being criticized for being alive and even existing, I know how this feels all too well.  And on the flip side I’ve become a master at it.

At least there is progress and healing happening, unlike with my abusers, I’m breaking the the cycle.  It’s a lot of responsibility, but so worth it!DSCN0391

My hibicus bloom this spring

It doesn’t usually bloom until the end of summer.

What a little extra care will do.  🙂

 

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