When my dog, Brut, died a year ago, he was the closest being I’d ever lost. It was the first time I really learned what it meant to grieve thoroughly. We were like twins and he was everything to me…comforter, therapist, playmate, best friend, and my canine soulmate. I’ve never felt a greater loss when I lost him. Coming full circle on his year anniversary has brought me to a place I’d never thought I would be, grieving for myself and everything that has been taken from me with the years of abuse I’ve suffered.
I’ve known I should do it, maybe even touched on it here and there in my life. I’ve done everything I can do to heal from all this pain and misery and this is the only thing left. And I’m doing it with Brut’s blessings. I need to rid myself of all these lies and bullshit, by forgiving myself and I’m doing that by grieving for me.
The process has already begun. Brut taught me how to grieve for him, now I am following in his paw prints as he leads me down into the next phase of my life. It’s like pulling up the root of what I thought was a plant only to find it is a weed that leaves a giant hole.
The songs playing through my head recently are all by Don Henley off of his End of the Innocence Album. End of the Innocence, New York Minute, and Heart of the Matter are my theme songs at the moment and I’m taking them to heart.
I know I am not very good at being consistent with my blogging, but I would really like to blog about this part of my journey as I really can’t believe I am here and where this will take me. I’m scared, excited, but right now I am really, really sad and yet it feels good to be sad just for me.
Until next time…
Take care ❤