This post has morphed from my last post “The Logical Artist.” You can read it HERE.
The Summary: I received a couple painting canvases for Christmas from my husband this year. I haven’t been able to paint in two years. But I will. Here’s how I know:
I love Coca-Cola. It is my favorite pop though I rarely drink it because of the caffeine and I only have it for special occasions. I also love Coke drinking glasses and have started collecting them.
I went through a period when my PTSD and memories was really strong dealing with my childhood abuse and I couldn’t drink out of the glasses and or have the pop. During a flashback I realized that my abusers drugged our Coca-Cola drinks at the beginning of each ritual. And as I relived this nightmare through my entire body and everything that was done, I couldn’t decide if the Coke glasses and drinking Coke was good or evil.
I went back and forth for some time. I used other glasses, but was tempted more than once to smash the Coke glasses to bits. To get rid of them and the memory they caused. The truth they held and the pain they served. Back and forth. Back and forth.
Now my husband, who is the loving man he is, knows all of this. I tell him everything. And he always looks on the positive side of things, including me. He’s more of a man than I have given him credit for sometimes, especially when my past gets in the way of things.
So a couple of Christmases ago I opened up a box FULL of Coca-Cola glasses of all different kinds from my love. And I’m in love again. (BTW, I never did smash the glasses I had already, so now I’ve got a nice small collection.) I remember thinking, doesn’t he know what I’ve been going through with these glasses? Why would he buy these?
I was on the fence of loving them and feeling very uneasy about the glasses. It took a couple of weeks to get them in the cupboard and another couple to finally use them.
The ONLY reason I was finally about to break through that barrier and use the glasses was that they were from my husband. A man who truly and honestly loved me. Even if it was innocent on his part to buy me the Coke glasses for his wife who truly loves Coke glasses, HE is still the reason I was able to do it. He bought them out of LOVE. Pure, simple love for me and I was able rid myself of THAT demon that came with something as innocent as my favorite glass.
And I’ll find that with the painting canvas as well. My husband bought them out of love for me which makes them good. And when I’m ready to confront that demon that is holding me back, I will, because it was given to me with love.