Numb

dscn0554 I lost my dog of 13 1/2 years to cancer three weeks ago.  I was doing OK at first…but as time ticked away I felt myself slipping into numbness.   Complete numbness.  I can’t feel a thing, not  even the pain.

I’m not falling any deeper than that, the meds help.  But I can’t seem to turn my thoughts off.  And music is doing what it can to fill the space left behind.  Which I suppose could be worse.  Like paranoia, delusions, suicidal thoughts, etc…

She (the dog) was the momma dog to her four kids that we have from the same litter.  So it has hit really hard.  I’m struggling to get through the day, even with all the love from her kids.

I haven’t much left.  Just needed to write it out.

Thanks for listening.

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3 thoughts on “Numb

  1. I lost MY dog of 13 1/2 years to cancer too!!! It is so devastating! I knew it would be hard but I had no idea I would be so torn apart. I had no idea I would become as depressed as I did. He was that one conditional love, that one that loved me more than anything. With him gone it was like the light just went out all around me. It has been many months now. I still reach down to pet him out of habit and put my left overs on the floor sometimes out of habit.
    I am so so sorry for your loss. I just had to write to you to let you know I have been in this place you are in and I know the depths. It is awful. I am so sorry! My dog is in my picture . He was a black lab mix that we rescued. Still sad that he is gone. I think a part of me will always miss him.

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