Today

Addiction is a bitch.  And I am an addict through and through.  I’ve been in recovery from drugs and alcohol for eighteen years, but tobacco cigarettes have me in a vice.   It has been one of the toughest addictions I’ve ever had to think about quitting.  At the beginning of last summer I made a serious attempt to quit smoking in the house for the sake of my pets.  My rule was I could smoke all I wanted but it had to be outside.  I made it through summer, fall and the beginning of winter with all the cold, snow and wind, that was  until my dog got sick and was dying.  Then I started to falter.  After she died I fell all to pieces.  I’d say I was smoking outside about 50% of the time.  Until my addiction picked up right where I left off.  And I was practically chain smoking in the house.  I was disgusted with myself, but I couldn’t stop.  And the more I couldn’t stop the more disgusted I was and on and on it goes.

I’ve been wanting to write about this for some time, but either never had the guts or just blew it off.  Writing post after post in my head as my progress declined until I got to the point I couldn’t ignore.  I am trying again.  I started today smoking outside again.  If for nothing else, the sake of my dogs and cats.  For them, I’m doing it for today.

 

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