I have failed. After two days of not smoking (tobacco) outside, I just don’t have the desire to continue. And in a lot of ways I don’t care. My depression has gotten the best of me. Still reeling from the death of my dog, the middle of a very blah winter, it all seems quite mute.
Really it just comes down to desire. As an addict, if I don’t have the desire, God can’t give me the strength to follow through and so I am back to square one again. I really lost my desire when my dog, Silver died five weeks ago today. I just lost it.
God and prayers, I can do it again or just quit all together. This fucking habit sucks. Depression sucks. Losing my girl sucks.
I miss my girl. My feelings are numb but there. Like they are just sitting on top of my nerves, sucking on them like a leach.
I don’t know how I will ever get through this again after losing my heart dog, Brut, a year and a half earlier.
God help me! My Silver-May she rest in peace.