I’ve made peace with most things in my life. The abuse, the torture, the brainwashing, but one thing I can’t seem to let go of is the anger.
The rage at myself, it is as common as breathing.
The rage at THEM for contorting my mind into a twisted mess.
The rage of having to heal FROM THEM.
The anger that causes most of my depression and anxiety.
Lashing out at my husband because I my survival instinct automatically kicks in not to be hurt again.
A lifetime of living on the edge of suicide.
Thinking I didn’t deserve to be here. Had no right to. Was programmed to kill myself.
FIGHTING AND FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHT TO EXIST, LET ALONE LIVE.
AND I’M SO SICK AND TIRED OF IT.
SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF IT.
They say you are getting better when you turn from suicidal to homicidal…
WELL MOTHERFUCKERRS YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN ME YET. AND ONE THING YOU SPARKED ALONG THE WAY WITH YOUR ABHORRED CRUELTY —IS THE FIGHT IN ME THAT HAS NEVER STOPPED.
I HAVEN’T GIVEN UP YET.
I WILL BEAT YOU AT YOUR OWN SICK GAME.
YOU WILL PAY. YOU WILL PAY MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE…
GOD HAS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL JUST FOR YOU.
Oops! I’m sorry, that’s all the time we have for you today.
ON WITH MY LIFE!