Paranoia strikes deep

I’ve been noticing something as of recently.  I have been able to stop the advances of paranoia striking.  It has to do something with my last post and the lies I’ve been smothered with all my life.

When I wrote my last post, I was in a state of paranoia, while I was writing it.  In my childhood abuse I was brainwashed into believing I was the reason for all the plight in the world.  The responsibility came down on me and me alone.  Not even God and or the devil were to blame for all the horrible things that were happening in the world, it was my fault.  Literally.  It was my fault the world was doomed and there was nothing I could do about it.

So whenever I would be out somewhere or even at home, anything I heard or saw was a reminder of that responsibility and I would become scared out of my mind.  People knew who I was, what I’d done and that I had to pay.  The whole fucking world was out to get me.  As you can imagine, my heights of paranoia were pretty high on the scale.  Especially if I entered a manic phase.  It was awful.

Over the years and being on meds these paranoid thoughts would start to get shorter and shorter.  Over time and beginning to realize they weren’t real.  Sometimes I would walk away from the situation (if I could) or I would focus on hubby and just ignore it as much as possible.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve caught myself when the first couple of tparanoid thoughts would come, I’d say to myself, it is a lie.  Which stopped the paranoia in it’s tracks.  I can’t believe how many times a day I am saying IT IS A LIE.  More than I ever really realized, keeping me at a heightened state of anxiety all.  the. time.  It’s only be a couple of weeks but it is working.  I don’t know what the total outcome will be, but I’m enjoying being aware of what I’m thinking and being able to change it before it gets out of control.

So far, so good.

What do you do to help out your paranoia and anxiety?  Please share!

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